Monday, August 21, 2017

"Dare we ask for these to hurry..."

The Summer song,
of chlorine splash,
peals of laughter,
as children dash,
nostalgic scenes,
from my memory flash;
yearning for Fall,
yet enjoying these nights,
for they won't stay long,
but cicadas fight,
their insistence a melody,
a sound camaraderie,
an ode to change,
an enveloping symphony;
but oh for the day,
that first swirl of leaves,
dance on the lawn,
in the Autumn breeze,
frost on the pane,
pumpkins in the patch,
dare we ask for these to hurry....
shorter days are the catch.

Monday, July 10, 2017

"It really is just a closing off of what can be the most breathtaking feeling known to man"

I told a friend once, "the heart is a muscle, if we don't use it, and often, it will go into disuse atrophy!" I exclaimed loudly. HA! Well, I didn't mean that in exact terms, my point was, to get our muscles to grow and become stronger, we have to use them.

When you're living a single life, it can be difficult for some to allow themselves to be vulnerable. And of course, to date, or let someone get close, inside your inner circle, the vulnerability occurs. It just does. A long time ago, in a galaxy not so far away, I promised myself that I wouldn't ever be hurt by a love interest again. I was adamant, and steadfast, and stubborn, and, well, quite frankly, pretty darn happy in life. I enjoyed my friends, my family, took a few outstanding vacations to other countries, and found myself along the way. I forced myself, without even realizing I was doing so, to get to know me. What were my interests? What did I want from life, was it a simple equation or was I a high maintenance girl that demanded attention and fanfare and spangle and sparkle?

I found the answers to these questions, and the truth of it is, I was rather fond of what I found. I love to watch movies, and I love to quote them. I like Scary movies! and Romance. And action. My love for reading knows no bounds, and I am certain that in most cases, the book is always better. I love the water, whether it be saltwater or fresh, ocean or lakes and streams. I know I could live on a lake and be as happy as a clam. (Are clams happy?)

I love Fall, but I've always known that this was my favorite season out of the four. Football and swirling leaves of red and gold, pumpkins and crisp air and leather boots and bonfires.....Halloween.

I like that I have friends that care about me enough to show up when they know something is wrong. To have a good friend you must be a good friend. In this instance, I must have done something well because my friends are remarkable.

I'm not sure if anyone can summarize what they want from life without pulling out the standard "I just want to be happy". Well that's a given obviously, but I think a more fruitful way to answer would be to try to say what things that life could possibly bring us to light up the happy like a firecracker.

I want to be able to live a life without a strict schedule. Easier said than done while we're working for the man, eh? I want to spend quality time with people who understand me, know my flaws, and like me, or even love me, anyway. I want to sit in silence by myself, and I want to do this again with someone beside me. A comfortable silence. One that comes only with knowing that person has a kind heart, and good soul. Words aren't always needed, yet a conversation is still happening.  It has taken me an unusually prolonged amount of time to say, "I want someone beside me". That in itself, if you know me well, is a feat. I feel like I've conquered something, and more than likely that something, is myself. You know the phrase, "you need to get out of your own way", right? I've been standing in my way for quite some time.

Am I high maintenance? in no way. Do I demand attention? the exact opposite. I don't like to be in spotlights. Well, I mean, unless I'm on the KC Chiefs football field at Arrowhead meeting Trent Green or something. Come on. I have standards.
Have you SEEN Trent Green?

Anyway. Spangle and sparkle. Hmm. Well, I love the 4th of July and the incredible lights popping up above our heads as we watch the night sky turn into a sparkly show in honor and celebration of our free country that we live in. I like that spangle and sparkle.

But I'm a fairly simple girl, when it comes to the rest. I don't need a dozen roses on Valentines Day, or even "just because". I'd rather have one stargazer lily if flowers are a must, and a handwritten note, or my hand held while walking, or sitting down and discussing the day.
I don't need a fancy dinner in a 5 Star restaurant. I'm not against this by any means, I just don't require it. Give me a bucket of wings and a cold beer, or a day spent near a swimming pool with a barbecue grill nearby. Or take me to a KC Chiefs game! (now see, I just can't let that lie, I might mention them again soon, because I have no self control).

So the answer to the simple equation, is yes. Very simply; time spent with someone, is more important to me than anything else. Even doing mundane things can bring the happy if you're doing those things with someone that you love, that you know for sure, loves you right back. And yes, I know that this person is difficult to find sometimes. I understand friend, and I hear you. It can be effortless, and seemingly perfect. Or, it can be strenuous and not without complication. But is it worth it?

Here's what I've come to know in recent months.

Yes. It can be worth it. It may not happen perfectly the first time. It may not be without injury to that muscle I mention. But this entire time that I've been periodically telling myself that I "will never be hurt again!" and so adamantly, I now realize that not allowing myself to be vulnerable, and not taking a chance once or twice, and saying yes instead of no, does not shield me from any sort of torment. It really is just a closing off of what can be the most breathtaking feeling known to man. That heady, I feel like a teenager, starry-eyed, head-in-the-clouds feeling that if we could bottle up and sell, we would be wealthy until the end of our days.
I've found that I'm incredibly strong emotionally, I was stunned and also relieved to become aware of this. When I was younger, let's say in my 20's, shall we? I don't believe I was this way. I allowed red flags to flap in the breeze, all the while looking the other direction, paying no attention to them. I told myself often that I was imagining things, and making mountains out of molehills, when the gut spoke of possible misdeed and broken trust. Ah youth.
I also found that I won't disintegrate when I allow someone to get close to me. And I won't wither and fade when I say yes, and come extremely close to feeling in love, and that love is taken for granted and the fairytale ends.

THAT fairytale I mean.

Where I live, there are many possibilities to begin anew.

I think I'll say yes again. One day. Someday. Maybe tomorrow.

See you soon friend,

PS Breakfast at Tiffany's in the summertime is filled with alllll of the fresh fruits. I so love Farmers Market, don't you?

Friday, April 28, 2017

The human way is to try not to worry but let's face it, that can be difficult at times.

I don't think it should take a good scare to wake us up to the realization that we are surrounded by all of the good things.

But sometimes I guess, that is what happens. Life just merrily goes along, without a hitch. The routine of our days becomes comfortable, almost easy breezy if I can use that phrase once. I often think I get lost in routine, become forgetful, that sort of thing. I mean, it can't possibly be because I'm getting wiser (notice I didn't say older, but you know that's what I meant).

In recent days my routine brought the annual check up and ladies, pay attention here, mammogram, because this is extremely important, especially if your family has history of the terrible-awful (I call it).

When I got the all clear, I once again let out a sigh of relief. You know, it's just the day of waiting on results that can get to you. But this year my Doctor decided that she just wasn't satisfied and ordered a diagnostic mammogram and ultrasound to err on the side of caution.

Listen, if she wanted me to go back 100 times, you bet I would. I love that she questions and watches and forces the issue. This is nothing to play around with.

I told myself, "eh, I'm not worried".

When I have thinking time available, and these days it can be rare, I often begin over-thinking things, which is not usually my way. The tiniest of thoughts sprinkled with "but, what if they find something...." began surfacing. I've been though this before, even including a biopsy or two, but it really doesn't matter. The human way is to try not to worry but let's face it, that can be difficult at times.

I sat back on that table in the ultrasound room, feeling pretty calm, but still wondering how my life would change in the next ten minutes if they found something that didn't look normal.

The one thing that was different about going to this appointment, is, I had someone with me who really cares about my well-being. I had no idea how much that can help ease the mind of worry, or really, just show someone just how much they care. I had a few epiphany's over this thought alone. One day I promise I will tell you more about him, but this newness is what I am enjoying most and I am holding it close for now.

The ultrasound was thorough, painless, and the Doctor, as always, was very friendly and warm. Suffice to say, I am happy to report that once again, I got the "all clear" signal.

Again, big sigh of relief. When I read, "your next mammogram should be in one year" I silently cheered and that age old list that I mentally carry around of every single person and thing that I am grateful for, popped into the cartoon bubble above my head. (Sometimes I pretend I'm a cartoon, see how WEIRD I can be?)

I don't think it should take a good scare to wake us up to the realization that we are surrounded by all of the good things!  List the good stuff now. Be grateful, now.

And ladies, please, if you are at the age where mammograms are needing to be scheduled, (or you have family history) please do so. Early detection is key!

See you soon friend,

PS I think Breakfast at Tiffany's should have pancakes in it this weekend. Wait, maybe French toast. Oh how about crepes! Oui!
Image result for crepes

Monday, April 17, 2017

Wherever You Are Now....Be There

I noticed a footer message on an email thread that I was involved in at work today. It's not very often that a phrase or paragraph presents itself where I find myself then absorbing. Because, you know, too busy. Aren't we all, too busy? No time for this. No time for that.

The note:

I sometimes wonder what would it be like to be inside a beautiful, perfect moment.  A moment can be split infinitely; the only thing preventing us from experiencing this is our inability to perceive it with our mind.  So just slow down your mind and focus; understand this undiscovered world.  Some say that in a moment lies eternity; if this is true, then we are living forever every moment we’re alive…we’re just going so fast we don’t see it.

I love it when truth shows up in a really beautiful way, don't you?

Now read it again.

Let it sink in.

See you soon friend,

PS One of these days you too will have Breakfast at Tiffany's. But I HAVE GOT to get the patio furniture situation taken care of first. As always, I appreciate your patience.

Monday, March 27, 2017

You see, I care about you, and your life, and your days

Another Monday is upon us, and yes, we should be glad. I know, I know.


During my morning work flurry (this is not a dessert at Dairy Queen, believe me) I glanced over at the pictures on my desk. And the calendar(s). Asking myself, 'where has the time gone?'
Moreover, 'where does the time GO?'

It occurred to me, that there are so many days in my life. I am grateful for every single one. I hope there are hundreds and thousands more.

I just need to make sure there is a large amount of life, too, in these days.

Now you go do the same, okay?

You see, I care about you, and your life, and your days.

See you soon friend,

PS This post was much like Breakfast at Tiffany's this morning. Brief, albeit quite useful.

Thursday, February 23, 2017

But you understand the question, don't you?

Image result for people talking together of different races

Four people of specific different races sat together in the waiting room of the car dealership, where I too, was also waiting. The conversations began almost immediately for no other reason I could find than to pass the time in a friendly manner. I was sipping coffee and organizing my work planner in order to be productive with the wait time, but I couldn't help but smile and even chuckle a few times as these wonderful people told stories about their lives, their kids, their pets, you name it.

The color of their skin had zero significance.

The clothing they wore? no one noticed or cared.

Their age, and the range was wide, did not matter.

Their accents gave an idea of where they might be from, yet no one had any trouble understanding each other as they talked, and laughed.

Now, why can't we all be like this, every day, no matter who we are or where we are from? And dear reader, I am not saying that you're not that way, if you are my friend and taking time to read this post, chances are extremely high that you're not.

But you understand the question, don't you?

I am headed into a three-day weekend with some outrageous weather, I think it reached 92 degrees today in North TX. It was such a beautiful day. I was in a fabulous mood all day long.

My day began with those four people, sitting together and talking and laughing. It has dawned on me that my great mood started right there.

I hope your weekend is filled with happy, and sunshine and great conversation!

See you soon friend,

PS Breakfast at Tiffany's will include fresh blackberries tomorrow morning, I couldn't help myself at the store today, they looked delicous! Image result for blackberries

photo of hands courtesy of where "Every Kid Counts"

Friday, February 10, 2017

Image result for how do I love thee

How do I love thee? Let me count the ways.
I love thee to the depth and breadth and height
My soul can reach, when feeling out of sight
For the ends of Being and ideal Grace.
I love thee to the level of everyday's
Most quiet need, by sun and candle-light.
I love thee freely, as men strive for Right;
I love thee purely, as they turn from Praise.
I love thee with a passion put to use
In my old griefs, and with my childhood's faith.
I love thee with a love I seemed to lose
With my lost saints, --- I love thee with the breath,
Smiles, tears, of all my life! --- and, if God choose,
I shall but love thee better after death.
--Elizabeth Barrett Browning

My Grandpa could recite this from memory. I think it was one of his favorite poems, if not *the* favorite. I think of it often because it is one of my favorite poem's also, and especially at this time of year. 
I love Valentines Day. Any holiday that celebrates love is going to be a favorite time for me. There are many different kinds of love. I know that February 14th is related to the romantic kind by most, and I celebrate that. 
I also celebrate a Mom loving her child, a sister loving her sister, a Father loving his son, a friend loving their friend. 
With the unfortunate front row seat to a view of the political world we have currently, amongst other things, I focus more firmly than I ever have before on the little things that I want to celebrate and the big things that I want to embrace, and everything in between that is free to us. No cost, at our fingertips, on the very tip of our tongue ideas and mantras that we can embrace and walk with and think about, if only to escape harsh realities and dismal negativity. 

A few weeks ago I had to watch with horror as the patio above mine, slowly burned into a raging fire that destroyed the apartment that went with it. In shock that night, I sat on the floor of the new apartment I would reside in permanently, with the new keys in one hand and a beer in the other, slowly coming to terms with the previous six hours. I finally looked up. Then I looked around. And realized that I really liked this new place. Freshly renovated, a lot more space.....a list was forming in my mind. A positive list. A spin on things that took the direction of thoughts from dark to very bright, sparkly lights. I began to think about what this move would bring. Organization, the throwing away of things that I meant to months or even years ago, but never took the time. A fresh perspective. A different, but still lovely, view just outside the windows. Despite the tiring packing and moving and traipsing back and forth, the friendships made and even the joking manner that took over all of us, became a camaraderie of sorts. My neighbor who lost everything, was overheard saying again and again, "I didn't lose anything". We knew what he meant. No one was hurt, and "the things" are replaceable. People are not. 

Suffice to say that life often hands out reminders that can unfortunately be delivered in big blows, of what is really important, and what simply doesn't matter in the grand scheme of things. 

So as I scroll through social media, in bits and pieces mind you, and see the light-hearted jokes about being single on Valentines Day, I laugh out loud and smile knowing the personality that posted it. It's all in fun, and if we can't laugh at life what else is there?

But this is your Valentine, friends. My Valentine to you. There are many kinds of love. And we are here to celebrate each and every one. If we so choose.

"I love thee with the breath, smiles, tears, of all my life!"

My favorite part. 

Love to you friends, on this Valentines Day (weekend) as you see, I like to s t r e t c h the celebrations out. Make them l o n g e r.
Until, before I know it, I'm celebrating even the smallest of victories, daily.

See you soon,

PS Don't forget the Lunar Eclipse and Snow Moon tonight! AND the Peanuts gang is on ABC tonight at 7p-"Be My Valentine Charlie Brown"

Image result for snow moon