Monday, August 5, 2019

That dash is the most important part, isn't it?

I was reading in the courtyard where I live, one lazy Saturday afternoon, and I glanced toward my patio with the windchimes and hanging plants, wondering, have I done enough with  my life......

Then I thought, what a silly question. What does that even mean, 'enough'? I don't have a scale or meter, measuring some lofty goal and tracking my progress to that goal.

Don't misunderstand. I do have goals. I'm dead center in a few goals. But I don't know that there is 'enough' as though that word brings some sort of finality to where I can then go sit down and say, good. I'm there.

I have a need for the non existance of that sit-down moment. I want to always be striving. I think I crave it actually.

There's work. And then there's life outside of work. What is that saying, something about the dash? From our birthdate to our date of death, there is a dash in between. That dash is the most important part. Isn't it?

Well. I'm working on the dash. Not living in fear of sharing myself. Not taking things personally, that have absolutely nothing to do with me. (Not easy y'all but I'm really trying). Definitely taking in the moments, savoring them. And definitely learning that the only thing I can control, is my own behavior and the way I respond to things. Have I arrived in the mecca of knowledge?
Nah. But I think I can at least see the door frame. I'll walk through it when I get there. Meanwhile, isn't the ride thrilling? I may have forgot to tell you that you're coming with me. 😁

Breakfast at Tiffany's tastes so much better with you present!
Thank you friend, for always being here. And always listening.

PS the first picture was taken at my sisters house.
It reminds me how fast the clock ticks.  Time stops for no one, right?
The second picture is my *moment* transcribed in ink, on my arm, for eternity. "And have you had yours?".....the artist asked, as he gently, skillfully, wrote my favorite word exactly how I asked him to.

"Yes. I think I have. 'To thine own self, be true'".

Sunday, June 23, 2019

"I'm totally adequate..."

Our whole childhood is filled with teaching moments, where, we hopefully grasp, and learn. I don't remember every single moment of my childhood. But I do remember always feeling content.

Logically, I know what matters in life. Relationships. Friendships. Family. Matters of the heart. What's *in* someone's heart. Memory-making moments that can only be created with time spent. Being present. Aware.

Especially with the given, that time stops for no one. The clock ticks away, whether you watch it, or not.

I've struggled most of my life with feelings of inadequacy. If you know me well, you know how difficult it was to type that sentence. I don't want to be someone's burden. And I definitely don't want to be the person bringing people down.

You see, my whole life I've watched people smile at me and react positively to things I say. This wasn't an act, let me make sure that's clear. My personality is to laugh first, at almost everything, and then bring anyone along for the ride that would benefit from the laughter. It's who I am.

What I've now come to understand and accept is, I'm totally adequate. It doesn't matter what I look like. How much I weigh. Where I live. What I drive. How much money I have. To those that genuinely love me, it does.not.matter.

This may sound small. Insignificant. I understand if it does. It's my story, not anyone else's.

But for me, this is monumental. I finally *get it*. I wish I could have come into my own acceptance, way before now.

But man I am sure glad that I'm finally here. I might be late to the party, but at least I showed. Right?

I hope you have already arrived at the place of acceptance. Because you matter.

If you ever need a reminder, visit me. I will remind you one hundred times over.

See you soon friend,

P.S. Breakfast at Tiffany's is so colorful these days: fresh raspberries, blackberries, blueberries....I love summertime. I hope your summer is fantastic so far 😁

Tuesday, March 26, 2019

Do I tell her she will make mistakes?

I often wonder what I would tell the younger version of myself, if time travel were possible. How far back would I go? And what would I say, to the happy little girl that still feels like her childhood was idyllic.

Do I tell her she will make mistakes? I don't want her to be afraid or not trust her gut.

I could let her know that when she was in 2nd grade and that dark-haired boy that kept yanking her pigtails, was doing so because he liked her. I won't say boys are dumb. That's not true. But at *that* age, they often don't know how to show that they are fond of you. My mom set me straight on this, so maybe I won't have to tell her.

I think I should tell her that sunscreen is important. And that she is worthy of having herself surrounded by like-minded people, that truly care about her. I want her to know that real, true love, comes easily, and often without fanfare. It just *is*. That doesn't mean that relationships don't require work. It means the *right* relationship, is worth the required work.

I should probably mention that the circle of life can be hard to witness and accept at times. And that her grandma and 'Pap' are in a better place, until she sees them again. It's also really, really hard to lose a pet. She will learn to accept her new normal, but it's still hard.

Honestly, what I want her to know most of all, is that she has no reason to be hard on herself during anything *trying* that may be going on in her life. Don't freak out. Just breathe. You know what to do. You need to trust yourself and your decisions.

And finally, you will be lucky to grow up with a big, loving extended family that tries their best to keep in touch.
You'll fiercely support every single friend and family member, no matter what.
You will show up, and ask, 'what can I do?' when it's necessary. Because they do the same for you.

When you stand at the top of the Eiffel Tower in Paris, France, you will be moved. Enough so to write about it.
Just like seeing the turquoise water in Cancun, and the view of Hawaii from the top of Diamond Head. That you just climbed! And you thought you were afraid of heights, ppsshh.

Okay you're still afraid of heights. But you will logically talk yourself out of the fear, should you find yourself zip-lining in Jamaica. Trust me. You won't die above the jungle. Also, don't pull on the pulley. Your glove will get stuck and then you'll have to be rescued.

Be present in the moments. Even the seemingly insignificant ones. Please. They will soon become memories and I want you to be able to remember them fondly.

Oh and write in a blog. Then you can look back and read what your thoughts were, from years past.

I'm thinking of these things because I'm gifted with another year wiser on March 30th.

Thank you for being here friend(s), I'm lucky to have you!

P.S. Breakfast at Tiffany's continues with fresh fruit, protein, and a hand-written, carefully thought out plan, for world changing ideas. Or maybe just a short list, I never know for sure. 😁

Oh and the birthdays? Embrace, celebrate, and enjoy every last second of the celebration of you.

*picture at top, on left, me on my third birthday

Saturday, December 22, 2018

Nostalgia finds me every year at this time......

Image result for 1935 scenes

My grandparents were married in 1935. 

I glanced at the calendar earlier and saw "Grandma and Pap Anniversary-1935" on Sat, Dec 22nd, and thought, wow.

If they were still here, tomorrow they would be celebrating 83 years of marriage. 

Does longevity like this still exist today? 

I think, for the lucky, it does.

I asked my mom about her birth date being 8 years after Pap and Grandma got married. 

She replied: "Yes. Marilyn born in 1936. Winnie born in 1940. Mary in 1942 and me in 43. Chuck in 1947, Jane in 1952 and Debbie in 1956".

Marilyn was the first born to my grandparents. Back in the day as it was, there were complications during her birth, where the Doctor  unfortunately had to decide who to save. Marilyn passed away the day she was born. We didn't have the pleasure of knowing her here, on this earth. I heard them say many times, she was beautiful.

When my family sings Happy Birthday to any one of us on our special day, my Grandpa, i.e. "Pap" would always end the song with, "get out and wallllllllllllk".

I still do this today, in his honor. It often makes us all a bit teary-eyed, but in a good way. 

It's in remembrance, you see. 

Christmas time is here. While we all often think of loved ones that are no longer with us, all year through, I think their absence is especially felt during the holiday season. 

I remember some of the days-gone-by stories told, of Christmas past and what the world was like back then.
For my mom's generation, their "queue" to come out of their bedrooms and slumber to welcome Christmas, was hearing Bing Crosby's "Jingle Bells" playing in the background. Many of us in my family continue this tradition today. 

Nostalgia finds me every year at this time. I fondly pull the memories from my mind and smile, remembering the celebrations each year. 

Mazel Tov to my Pap and Grandma, I think of them every day. If I go to the post office, I think of Pap. His career was with USPS. "Parcel post!" he would yell, as he drove the postal truck down the alley, tossing the package to the porch it belonged to. My mom often riding with him, passed along this memory to us.

If I'm cooking, I think of grandma, who rarely measured anything with exact specifications. She was a "just a pinch" type of girl. I hope I measure up, it would be the best goal I could ever reach in my lifetime.

Merry Christmas to you dear friends. If you are blessed to still have the older generation in your family still with you, ask them about their Christmas memories. Write it down, you will be so glad you did. 

Here's to our 2018 season and the promise of the New Year. May the memories you create this year, last a  lifetime.

See you soon friend,

PS During the holidays, Breakfast at Tiffany's will be in remembrance of when I was  a little girl, watching Sesame Street while my mom fixed us breakfast and served it on metal trays decorated with our favorite Sesame Street characters. For me, that was Big Bird. I just loved him! 

Sunday, November 4, 2018

Does any of us truly have the answer to any of life's predicaments?

I woke up this morning thinking that yesterday was a perfect day. And it wasn't that monumental things happened, it was a simple day actually.

So I asked myself, what makes a day perfect?

For me, I find that I'm happiest in the least amount of chaos. Oh sure, I can keep up and multi-task when necessary, juggling several to-do list items. But I love knowing that things on that list are complete and I have free time to do whatever I want to do. If the house is clean and the things put away, the day looms with freedom and the promise of anything great, whatever we choose.

Then I realized that this is also true with intangible things.

In the work space of my life, things aren't put away. It feels like they're all over the place. I, along with 43,999 (this is an accurate number) are being forced to make career decisions that we may or may not be ready for. I was in the latter category for about a month. A few days ago I finally accepted that ready-or-not, it was time to make choices that will affect my future. Have I reached *the* answer to the question with possible consequential results? Not necessarily. I mean does any of us truly have the answer to any of life's predicaments? Please, if you do, call me.

So, here it is. Verizon has decided that a considerable portion of their IT organization must leave the company and become employees for Info Sys, "one of the largest outsourcing contracts signed by Info Sys in recent times" -to quote one of many articles posted online.

And here I am. I've decided that I will accept the buy-out offer that Verizon has placed in front of me in package form.

I'm not ready. I like my job. I love who I work with and have worked with for years. These people are like family to me. I'm good at what I do. I'm not ready to leave. I don't want to begin another career. I am not r e a d y.

These are the thoughts that have kept me awake at night for over a month. A few nights ago, I woke up so refreshed that I questioned why, ( don't do that, accept the gift ) and found that it was because I let all of those thoughts go. I opened my clenched fists, palms up, and released them. I had full faith. I had full trust. I had peace and contentment that I haven't felt for quite some time. Not because I have another job lined up. Not because I'm sitting on a nest egg of carefully saved money. And not because I was the recent lottery winner. None of these things are true.

I think it's because I realized that the outcome I'm trying to avoid is going to happen sooner or later anyway, heavy on the sooner, so why not take their offer and take my skills to a company that I will be proud to work for. And let me  be clear, I was proud to work for Verizon. I just don't recognize the company like I used to. I am not in-the-know of their vision or future direction. Or in the very least, I'm not understanding what I do hear, and read about. I will never say a bad word about the company that gave me a career and helped me build a skill set that I can use wherever I choose to go. The company that fed and clothed me, provided a means for travel to other countries and paid my bills. 
I mean, what does one say, to the company they've spent close to twenty-five years with? 

I was in Paris, France in September past, walking the River Seine, over-hearing "Bonjour" and "merci" and drinking in the perfect day. I also heard, "Au revoir".

So, Verizon. Au revoir. Adieu. 

And good luck to you and all of us that decide the new journey will be even better, than the one before. 

See you soon friend,

PS Breakfast at Tiffany's is tacos! and more tacos! isn't *that* exciting?! Of course I will keep you posted on the comings and goings of my career life. For now, suffice to say that it's business as usual. I don't know when the actual last day will be, of my time with Verizon. And finally, GO CHIEFS! Mahomes and Co, you're my heroes! 

Third photo courtesy of my sister, Sara. That lucky girl gets to see this spectacular array of color every North Missouri Fall day. 

Wednesday, July 25, 2018

And remember....this too shall pass

I have a tendency to feel overwhelmed when it feels like issues are beginning to stack on top of each other.
They are usually every-day things that of course can be easily handled, yet still, when it's one thing after another, I become claustrophobic.

What inevitably occurs is a shift re-focus, if you will, where it becomes apparent that I've been sweating the small stuff. I'm sure you have heard of that mantra, 'don't sweat the small stuff'.

It's valid advice.

So while I was in fairly excruciating pain yesterday, trying to accept the inevitable root canal that I *knew* was in my future, and thinking about the check engine light that glared at me from the dashboard of my car Sunday, and remembering my moms impending eye surgery.....I thought, okay universe. That's enough. Please cease at least until I can catch my breath.

Then I learned a friend from my hometown passed away today.

And I thought, there it is. That reminder I've received many times.

These things that happen in our lives that truly mean very little when compared to the big stuff, are not the devastation they seem to be. They are easily fixed with some attention and scheduling.

By nature, Im not one to complain much about anything. I've reminded friends and family at various times that 'this too shall pass'.

My friend was way too young to be gone so soon. Now, I grieve for her familys loss, and her time cut short on this earth. The unfairness of it. That is real devastation. Not my dental issues, or car troubles.

I hope things are going well for you, friend(s). If the list of issues is beginning to stack, remember; 'this too shall pass'.

Take care of yourselves, and be kind to one another.


P.S. Breakfast at Tiffany's of late has been filled with fresh fruit from the local Farmers Market. I think strawberry crepes sound delicious, don't you?

Tuesday, June 19, 2018

No burden is he to bear, we'll get there.....


If I'm laden at all
I'm ladened with sadness
That everyone's heart
Isn't filled with the gladness
Of love for one another

More and more, I hear this song in my head.

On repeat. A loop.

I don't recognize the country we live in today.

I will never give up hope though. You can count on that.

See you soon friend,