Friday, March 9, 2018

To thine own self, be true....

From pen to page, keyboard to screen, or, in my head, I've been writing my thoughts since I learned how to form a sentence. It occurred to me today, that many of these stories, written or not, are the culmination of *the* story. My story.

I live the pages every day, and every night in my dreams. I mean, isn't each paragraph that we live, a high point?

Maybe not. We certainly don't choose to have things go wrong, when they do. Or, not go how we imagined, or wanted them to. Still, I've always believed, and often said out loud, that a person is the sum total of everything they have gone through, and experienced, until right now. Present tense. Today.

My birthday is coming soon. I always do a fair amount of reflecting before the day of celebration arrives. You see, this year is a milestone birthday. So they say. I actually think they are all milestones in a way. Good grief, we just went twelve months past the last celebration, that's cause for another big hooray, isn't it?

I've found myself smiling and thinking, 'you know what? I am actually, sincerely, proud of myself!'
I work hard on a job that challenges me, that I committed to twenty-four years ago. I don't love it every day, let's keep perspective here, but as a whole, I'm proud of my work.

That isn't as important as the rest though. It's a means to the good stuff. The real living is just outside the work bubble.

And I

I had my epiphany!

'So, did you have yours?' the artist asked me, as he was preparing to create my favorite word, well, one of them, on my arm. I told him that I did.
He smiled without looking up, preparation takes concentration.
'Are you going to SHARE what it is? Or is it a secret?'

It's a very simple, stolen quote, that my mom has said to me, since I was an awkward teenager trying to figure out the why's and what for's of the world. "To thine own self, be true".

And now, I say it to you, dear friend. Be yourself. There is only one 'you'. You are unique. You matter. You count. You were made for a reason.

So I say, laugh out loud and especially, the deep belly laughs that bring tears because you can't stop laughing. You want to wear the crazy hat, or make goofy faces when someone is taking your picture? Do it! All of your friends love country music but you like classical? Pump the Mozart volume! You know I could go on and on, but I'm certain that you understand.

And share your gifts, the world would be so boring if we didn't.

I decided to do the thing that many girls do at the most random hour; tell the stylist to cut a few inches of my hair off, add some highlights and layers, for a new fun look! Oh I know, it's a girl thing mostly. We often take excitement with doing this sort of thing. Although, I do have guy friends that love to as well. Plus, Spring has mostly arrived in N.Texas, and Summer isn't that far away. It's a great way to stay cool outside, with a fresh, albeit shorter, hair-do.

Of course I had to do a selfie to be able to show my mom and sisters! And, as always, I was being silly when I took the picture, they expect this you see. I love laughing, and making people laugh, and smile. I am sure we can agree, that the world we live in today, needs smiles. And reasons to laugh.

I've come to realize that waking up and deciding to be happy is the best decision ever. It's not always easy, but the days I master it, are forming a pattern of a great week, which turns into a great month. On the days where it might he a struggle, I turn to my favorites. A good book, a conversation with my comedian son, a walk, a great movie, a random phone call from a best friend....

So as Spring arrives, and we turn the clocks ahead, do a little Spring cleaning, and shift our thoughts towards warmer days, I hope you are happy and fulfilled. And if you ever need a reminder that you have unique gifts to share, I'm here.

Because there is only one you. And,

You matter!

See you soon friend,

P.S. Breakfast at Tiffany's will have mimosas included tomorrow, I'm going to a Spa! Maybe I'll write about that next time. Until then, be kind to everyone you meet. Okay?

Wednesday, December 20, 2017

A time of hope, cheer, thanks, and love

๐ŸŽถ๐ŸŽต it's not Christmas if the snow don't fall....And I'm still standing here, three feet small. Lose our troubles because after's Christmas's Christmas time๐ŸŽถ๐ŸŽต

I have a confession to make. I started listening to holiday music before Thanksgiving. Gasp! Just a day or two before. It runs in my family! (Right Aunt Debbie?!)

Oh Christmas. That 'most wonderful time of the year'.  It can be a difficult time for some, and my heart goes out to them especially.

Really, though, I think my heart stretches wide, more so than usual, during this time of year. I want it to be this way all year, so there's one personal goal admission. I just love seeing people greet each other with a smile, as if the festive air brings round the warmth and patience we have within. I know it doesn't always go this way, but if you know me well, you understand that I ignore that 'other way' when I see it happen.

One of my best friends and I were discussing a previous blog post that talked about what Christmas meant to us as kids. See J, this is a 'new' post, not recycled! HA! (I found that going back and reading older posts had me still in agreement with things I mentioned then, so of course I shared it again in social media. The nerve!) I'm chuckling and can't wait for him to read this tidbit. I love ya J.

So of course the holiday fanfare, the parties, the making of Merry, and all of that excitement, is notable on the enjoyment scale. I like hearing my friends talk about being able to see their family who may live out of state, or see friends they don't get to see often. I'm in for all of it.

What I'm also 'in' for, is that peaceful, easy quiet that comes at the end of the day, when twinkling lights are the backdrop, and either music is playing softly or a favorite holiday movie is on. I can do some of my best thinking under these circumstances. It's not the 'running and doing all of the listed things' that places me in the spirit of the holiday.

It's the peaceful rest. Reflection of the year. The being good to yourself, and believing that the better version of you, is always forthcoming. A time of hope, cheer, thanks, and love.

And it is these things, that I wish for you this Christmas. 2017 is coming to a close, I hope we all celebrate it in our favorite ways!

See you soon friend,

P.S. Pete Delkus continues to practically PROMISE snow for N.Texas on Christmas Day. Please, Pete, deliver! I will have a snowcone for Breakfast At Tiffany's if you do!

Friday, December 1, 2017

Waste not, this precious gift

Whirling….swirling…. leaves, they fall
from thinning Autumn trees
Nostalgic feelings float in whispers
The years, tempered thieves

From hopscotch to high school
The clock, ticking away
Turn around, where does it go?
Measure of time, no delay

Fist raised, carpe diem!
Seize the day, take heed
Forget tomorrows test,
For it will come, topspeed

Waste not, this precious gift
Of heartbeat and breath
I shall embrace, without haste
Until my time of death

Longevity; my wish for us
As long as we remember
To live out loud, and love full force
Dancing flames to smoldering ember

Forgive long, pardon all
For yourself and inner peace
Stand tall, break down the wall
Negativity, released

As Autumn folds, I look ahead
Flipping calendar page to next
Hopeful for tomorrows promise
A season of sound effects

Hark the herald angels sing
Repeat the sounding joy
Glory to the newborn King
A tiny baby boy

Oh December with all of your wonder
Season of good tidings and giving love
May we all embrace together
Taking direction from above

See you soon friend,

PS I think tomorrow Breakfast at Tiffanys shall include Christmas music and mulling spices. Let the decorating begin!

Wednesday, September 27, 2017

The knowing that together equals better....

I used to believe that I never wanted to keep a diary. My hand written words would be out there and my private thoughts recorded for anyone to find and read was not something I wanted. Of course now we have that thing, that monstrous, sometimes fun, sometimes wonderful, other times awful, thing, that is the internet. Social media. A platform often used to share a thousand thoughts with whoever wants to read them. Blogging. What?! Now we can have an online diary if you will. "But I always said I didn't want to keep a diary" I mused. But how can I ignore this new way of being able to write out all of my thoughts, I asked myself.

I do consider this blog a diary of sorts, but not the kind that shares every.single.detail of my life. I mean, I don't post every day, and definitely not every hour on the hour about what I'm eating, doing, thinking....or feeling.

I just like knowing that I can go back and read things that I've written about in the past. It's a cool thing, yes?

I did that today. I had forgotten that I wrote about what qualities I would want in a significant other.

Here's the short version of what I discovered:

This was carefully written several years ago. I'm happy to realize that it is still what I want, and believe in, today.

With consideration, I asked myself what true love means to me. I don't know if I could have fully answered this question a few years ago, or even *many* years ago. You have to know and love yourself first, right, before allowing someone else to know you, and love you.

This is what it means to me now.

Real, genuine love does not recognize jealousy. It does not listen to self doubt. It doesn't stare, with lazer focus,  at flaws, physical or otherwise. It does not allow the subconscious voice speak to our failures as though they are all that we are made of. Real, genuine, healthy love is in the everyday-ness of the tasks being done side by side. The thoughts that begin with 'we', instead of 'me, me, it's all about me'. It has peaceful, comfortable trust. Solid foundation. It is filled to the brim with truth, with no room for falsehood. The knowing that together equals better, not alone equals safer. The want of hearing the others wishes, hopes, and dreams. And the need, to not only be a part of all three, but to try to be the vehicle to make them happen. It must be watered, fed, embraced, and finally, be considered as the most important thing we will ever do in this life. To love another, completely.

So, in a few years, wherever I may be, I can look back to this post, and remember what I felt, then poured out in paragraphs.

Do you write your thoughts out on paper?

Do you 'type' them online?

I hope you are well friend.

See you soon!

P.S. Breakfast at Tiffany's has been filled with fabulous tomatoes off the vine, fresh fruit, and other tasty little items. Thank you Dallas Farmers Market!

Monday, August 21, 2017

"Dare we ask for these to hurry..."

The Summer song,
of chlorine splash,
peals of laughter,
as children dash,
nostalgic scenes,
from my memory flash;
yearning for Fall,
yet enjoying these nights,
for they won't stay long,
but cicadas fight,
their insistence a melody,
a sound camaraderie,
an ode to change,
an enveloping symphony;
but oh for the day,
that first swirl of leaves,
dance on the lawn,
in the Autumn breeze,
frost on the pane,
pumpkins in the patch,
dare we ask for these to hurry....
shorter days are the catch.

Monday, July 10, 2017

"It really is just a closing off of what can be the most breathtaking feeling known to man"

I told a friend once, "the heart is a muscle, if we don't use it, and often, it will go into disuse atrophy!" I exclaimed loudly. HA! Well, I didn't mean that in exact terms, my point was, to get our muscles to grow and become stronger, we have to use them.

When you're living a single life, it can be difficult for some to allow themselves to be vulnerable. And of course, to date, or let someone get close, inside your inner circle, the vulnerability occurs. It just does. A long time ago, in a galaxy not so far away, I promised myself that I wouldn't ever be hurt by a love interest again. I was adamant, and steadfast, and stubborn, and, well, quite frankly, pretty darn happy in life. I enjoyed my friends, my family, took a few outstanding vacations to other countries, and found myself along the way. I forced myself, without even realizing I was doing so, to get to know me. What were my interests? What did I want from life, was it a simple equation or was I a high maintenance girl that demanded attention and fanfare and spangle and sparkle?

I found the answers to these questions, and the truth of it is, I was rather fond of what I found. I love to watch movies, and I love to quote them. I like Scary movies! and Romance. And action. My love for reading knows no bounds, and I am certain that in most cases, the book is always better. I love the water, whether it be saltwater or fresh, ocean or lakes and streams. I know I could live on a lake and be as happy as a clam. (Are clams happy?)

I love Fall, but I've always known that this was my favorite season out of the four. Football and swirling leaves of red and gold, pumpkins and crisp air and leather boots and bonfires.....Halloween.

I like that I have friends that care about me enough to show up when they know something is wrong. To have a good friend you must be a good friend. In this instance, I must have done something well because my friends are remarkable.

I'm not sure if anyone can summarize what they want from life without pulling out the standard "I just want to be happy". Well that's a given obviously, but I think a more fruitful way to answer would be to try to say what things that life could possibly bring us to light up the happy like a firecracker.

I want to be able to live a life without a strict schedule. Easier said than done while we're working for the man, eh? I want to spend quality time with people who understand me, know my flaws, and like me, or even love me, anyway. I want to sit in silence by myself, and I want to do this again with someone beside me. A comfortable silence. One that comes only with knowing that person has a kind heart, and good soul. Words aren't always needed, yet a conversation is still happening.  It has taken me an unusually prolonged amount of time to say, "I want someone beside me". That in itself, if you know me well, is a feat. I feel like I've conquered something, and more than likely that something, is myself. You know the phrase, "you need to get out of your own way", right? I've been standing in my way for quite some time.

Am I high maintenance? in no way. Do I demand attention? the exact opposite. I don't like to be in spotlights. Well, I mean, unless I'm on the KC Chiefs football field at Arrowhead meeting Trent Green or something. Come on. I have standards.
Have you SEEN Trent Green?

Anyway. Spangle and sparkle. Hmm. Well, I love the 4th of July and the incredible lights popping up above our heads as we watch the night sky turn into a sparkly show in honor and celebration of our free country that we live in. I like that spangle and sparkle.

But I'm a fairly simple girl, when it comes to the rest. I don't need a dozen roses on Valentines Day, or even "just because". I'd rather have one stargazer lily if flowers are a must, and a handwritten note, or my hand held while walking, or sitting down and discussing the day.
I don't need a fancy dinner in a 5 Star restaurant. I'm not against this by any means, I just don't require it. Give me a bucket of wings and a cold beer, or a day spent near a swimming pool with a barbecue grill nearby. Or take me to a KC Chiefs game! (now see, I just can't let that lie, I might mention them again soon, because I have no self control).

So the answer to the simple equation, is yes. Very simply; time spent with someone, is more important to me than anything else. Even doing mundane things can bring the happy if you're doing those things with someone that you love, that you know for sure, loves you right back. And yes, I know that this person is difficult to find sometimes. I understand friend, and I hear you. It can be effortless, and seemingly perfect. Or, it can be strenuous and not without complication. But is it worth it?

Here's what I've come to know in recent months.

Yes. It can be worth it. It may not happen perfectly the first time. It may not be without injury to that muscle I mention. But this entire time that I've been periodically telling myself that I "will never be hurt again!" and so adamantly, I now realize that not allowing myself to be vulnerable, and not taking a chance once or twice, and saying yes instead of no, does not shield me from any sort of torment. It really is just a closing off of what can be the most breathtaking feeling known to man. That heady, I feel like a teenager, starry-eyed, head-in-the-clouds feeling that if we could bottle up and sell, we would be wealthy until the end of our days.
I've found that I'm incredibly strong emotionally, I was stunned and also relieved to become aware of this. When I was younger, let's say in my 20's, shall we? I don't believe I was this way. I allowed red flags to flap in the breeze, all the while looking the other direction, paying no attention to them. I told myself often that I was imagining things, and making mountains out of molehills, when the gut spoke of possible misdeed and broken trust. Ah youth.
I also found that I won't disintegrate when I allow someone to get close to me. And I won't wither and fade when I say yes, and come extremely close to feeling in love, and that love is taken for granted and the fairytale ends.

THAT fairytale I mean.

Where I live, there are many possibilities to begin anew.

I think I'll say yes again. One day. Someday. Maybe tomorrow.

See you soon friend,

PS Breakfast at Tiffany's in the summertime is filled with alllll of the fresh fruits. I so love Farmers Market, don't you?

Friday, April 28, 2017

The human way is to try not to worry but let's face it, that can be difficult at times.

I don't think it should take a good scare to wake us up to the realization that we are surrounded by all of the good things.

But sometimes I guess, that is what happens. Life just merrily goes along, without a hitch. The routine of our days becomes comfortable, almost easy breezy if I can use that phrase once. I often think I get lost in routine, become forgetful, that sort of thing. I mean, it can't possibly be because I'm getting wiser (notice I didn't say older, but you know that's what I meant).

In recent days my routine brought the annual check up and ladies, pay attention here, mammogram, because this is extremely important, especially if your family has history of the terrible-awful (I call it).

When I got the all clear, I once again let out a sigh of relief. You know, it's just the day of waiting on results that can get to you. But this year my Doctor decided that she just wasn't satisfied and ordered a diagnostic mammogram and ultrasound to err on the side of caution.

Listen, if she wanted me to go back 100 times, you bet I would. I love that she questions and watches and forces the issue. This is nothing to play around with.

I told myself, "eh, I'm not worried".

When I have thinking time available, and these days it can be rare, I often begin over-thinking things, which is not usually my way. The tiniest of thoughts sprinkled with "but, what if they find something...." began surfacing. I've been though this before, even including a biopsy or two, but it really doesn't matter. The human way is to try not to worry but let's face it, that can be difficult at times.

I sat back on that table in the ultrasound room, feeling pretty calm, but still wondering how my life would change in the next ten minutes if they found something that didn't look normal.

The one thing that was different about going to this appointment, is, I had someone with me who really cares about my well-being. I had no idea how much that can help ease the mind of worry, or really, just show someone just how much they care. I had a few epiphany's over this thought alone. One day I promise I will tell you more about him, but this newness is what I am enjoying most and I am holding it close for now.

The ultrasound was thorough, painless, and the Doctor, as always, was very friendly and warm. Suffice to say, I am happy to report that once again, I got the "all clear" signal.

Again, big sigh of relief. When I read, "your next mammogram should be in one year" I silently cheered and that age old list that I mentally carry around of every single person and thing that I am grateful for, popped into the cartoon bubble above my head. (Sometimes I pretend I'm a cartoon, see how WEIRD I can be?)

I don't think it should take a good scare to wake us up to the realization that we are surrounded by all of the good things!  List the good stuff now. Be grateful, now.

And ladies, please, if you are at the age where mammograms are needing to be scheduled, (or you have family history) please do so. Early detection is key!

See you soon friend,

PS I think Breakfast at Tiffany's should have pancakes in it this weekend. Wait, maybe French toast. Oh how about crepes! Oui!
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