Friday, November 6, 2009

That dreaded word we all hate. The C word.

Breakfast at Tiffany's

I don't know if I have an irrational fear of getting cancer, I don't think I do, but when one of my dearest friends is diagnosed with the devil disease, it rocks my world as though it were me hearing the three words we don't ever want to hear; "you have cancer".

You know that feeling of your legs buckling out from underneath you? The oxygen being removed from your lungs? That's how I felt when I heard the news. Anger, immediate anger. WHY HER? It's not fair, and I pulled out my virtual list of why its not fair. This is not supposed to happen to her. But it's not supposed to happen to ANYone for that matter. I was absolutely amazed and instantly grateful at her take on this diagnosis. Humor intact, and providing the facts with ease, she updated our group of friends the best way she could, giving it to us straight, and all at once. I thank her for that. Living in different states she could have chosen to go through this without sharing and we may never have known. I am so glad she did not choose that, but instead, chose to let us in her private world that I am sure was rocked to the core.

In keeping with my idea of a "dia"blog I am sharing a bit of conversation I had with her today.

Me: I'm learning so much about this that I didnt know. I wish I was learning it from a freakin magazine instead of through you, but you are going to get through this. I would GIVE MY LEFT LEG if I lived there so I could help you. You know, sit there while you cuss at me, be the target . I'm a good target.

Friend: You know, right now I'm not feeling like that. EVERYONE has been so makes me get weepy when I think about all the people that really do care about me. I can be such a b**ch at times, but when the crap goes down, everyone is standing right beside me. I'm very lucky!!

I got tears when I read that alone. This friend considers herself lucky. She has cancer folks.

Me: dude I get it, it's easy to forget that peeps care and love, but I'm not going to let you forget, because I ADORE YOU. And I always will.

Friend: Everytime I talk about people supporting me, I really do start to cry. My mom's friend (who I have never met) made me a little knit hat. I'm writing her a thank you note and sobbing. I think it's just a lot of emotional stress and I'm not venting it enough or in the right direction or something.

Me: I totally get it. Every day I always ask myself what I would be feeling if I were going through this, I'm telling you, this sh** has effed my mind a little. When you told me about it, I was so MAD, I kept saying this is not supposed to happen TO HER. Its not supposed to happen to anyone, but I'm sayin. and then I've walked myself through what I would feel like, and quite frankly, I still think I dont know. I will say this, you're handling it beautifully, and if you have to cry, for godsake cry. It's cleansing, then your insides are cleaner. (I admitted I was on caffeine overload at this point, but I too, turn to humor, always)

Friend: LOL...I like that...cry your cancer away. My new self help book. You can help me write it.

Me: omg THATS IT. What are we going to wear when Matt Lauer interviews us on the today show?

My message today is this: Be grateful. Choose to live. Fight for whatever is necessary to do so. And yes......if my friend and I are right, cry that damn cancer away.

Croissants were delish mon ami, thanks for having me.

Until then,

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