Dia-blog

I had this thought come to me when I was thinking about actually writing in this blog that sat dormant for a while, what about a dia-blog? I have the great fortune of working with some of the funniest people I've ever met. When you work in a a farm of cubicles, all mashed together like we're waiting for crop season to arrive, you absolutely must have a sense of humor. It's just a requirement. Everyone is different, and we don't all share the same sense of humor, but my team? We crack up over the same things on a daily basis, sometimes to the point of not being able to breathe. A lot of things factor in, twelve hour days (a thing of the past lately), eating meals at our desks because we barely have time to get up and use the restroom (have you ever seen someone run at top speed toward the nearest facility?), a feeling of closeness (we sit so close together I can see their pores at times), and the knowledge of what our day will bring simply because we're used to it. New things occur every day, but for the most part, we know what's coming before we sign in each morning. Day after day, which turns into months, and even years, brings all of us to the same page. We understand each other, in such a way that an employee from a different team won't because their responsibilites are different than ours. I think of these people as my second family, my home away from home. I do spend 40 hours a week with them after all. I know without one doubt, that they would do anything for me. And I feel the same way about every one of them as well.

With all of the technology we have at our fingertips, being in telecommunication, the one thing we have that helps quite a bit is our "chat" tool. It's called Sametime, and why not. It's "sametime", right now, conversation. We don't have to dial a phone to talk to someone, racking up those long distance costs, we can just "ping" or "IM" them. We don't use those terms though, sametime has become a verb. "He sametimed me". I've said that phrase to friends before that don't work in my office and they responded with "he did WHAT to you?!"
Naturally, this means we can have discussions without being heard. Given the mention of sense of humor, I'm sure you can imagine where this can lead at any given time. Hence, my "dia-blog" idea. I thought, I have GOT to save some of these conversations, they're hilarious.
A personal favorite of mine is a coworker that turned into a best friend twelve years ago (still going strong, best friends for life we are) who insists on giving me a different nickname every morning.
Cally Entay, Serentiffany, Arach Tiffphrobia.....he.never.runs.out.of.names. He gets pretty creative, sometimes my last name is butterwhipple, or smithsonian. Prunetta Pickelberry, Bindy Andsnap (bend and snap? please tell me you know this movie), Pisa de Myheart........ He makes me laugh every day.

I hear keys clacking when I turn the corner to my cubicle, I remove my sunglasses, put my purse away, sit down, and sign in. Desktop opens, I sign into Sametime first. Do you know that some possess the art of "sametiming" me within two seconds of my name appearing in their window? I'm always in awe of this ability. "Dude are you staring at the screen waiting for me? Seriously."

A glimpse of how the morning can begin:

C123-have I mentioned to you lately that I hate people?
Me-I believe you have but lets discuss next Tuesday over coffee, k? Because I have 234 emails staring at me right now and not enough coffee to get me through the next 15 minutes let alone 8 hours.
C123-I need to know that you hear me and understand.
Me-I hear you, the President hears you, Alabama hears you, and quite possibly France.
C123-So tell me. Why in the HELL does our bathroom on the 2nd floor look like a crackhouse in Brooklyn and the 3rd floor bathroom looks like the Taj Mahal? Can you just answer me that please?
Me-People have no couth, I've explained this to you before. The rules are as follows: wear gloves but still don't touch anything, don't sit down, wash not only your hands but shower before exiting, and for the love of God DON'T touch the door handle.

Another window appears, blinking at me incessantly so I have to open it because it's annoying.
M345-I so miss you when you're on call and working from home
Me-that's a very nice thing to say, what do you want (I know buttering up when I see it people)
M345-I get lonely
Me-Honey you get lonely standing in an elevator holding 30 people, what do you want
M345-Do you know if we have an *IR open for voice orders that we can't unassign? Do you know when we'll get the fix? Do we get paid today? What IS today? Did I pick up my drycleaning?
Window closed (I'm busy) *Incident Record

V567-mornin sunshine!
There is a long pause on this one because this person is not in my inner circle and I don't need cheeriness before 9am, and as I've mentioned before, I recognize buttering up when I see it.
Me-mornin
V567-sooo what's going on this weekend?
sigh
Me-I'm moving to Alaska. There is no sametime in Alaska.

C123-did a team of horses just drive by?
Me-either that or the zoo just ran out of room and rented space out in this building

M987-could you please "do the needful" on this order
That phrase comes from our outstanding (and I mean that kindly) IT staff. They are truly brilliant, but their phrasing is not quite how we put things. I understand that they just mean, will you please fix this order. But "do the needful" seems to be what they like to use for their requests.
Me-sure I can, one moment
M987-thank you, have a good evening.
It's 8:00am in Dallas, but not in India. =)

G654-like o.m.g you would not believe what I've been through on this freakin order, it's been to Spain even and I can't even take a vacation outside of Jersey, can you please please please help me?

Do I have to speak valley-girl, LOLspeak if I do?

H349-is that really YOU in *IPM?
Me-um. If you are asking if that picture is me, yes
H349-wow its like the Mona Lisa, almost NSFW

Okay what? I'm looking for a compliment in there that seems to be drowning in a borderline unrelated to work comment. I had to ask a coworker what NSFW meant by the way. When he told me it meant not suitable for work I had two, possibly three options in my reply. Either A: thank him, B: close the window, or C: ask what he meant
Me-um, thank you, I think?
C: Im going to now write a poem.
Window closed (I'm busy) *IPM-the system endusers use to send requests to my team for assistance

And so it goes. That is a glimpse, a sheer few seconds of a blip of time in Tiffany's work world. These discussions are all silent mind you, being typed instead of verbally communicating them. I haven't used my desk phone since 2006.

Which means if you call me you'll get the Tiffany from 2006 when voicemail answers. I'm just sayin.

Have a fabulous rest of the week my friend. The cafeteria where I work has bagels, fresh fruit, and Starbucks, see you tomorrow morning for Breakfast at Tiffany's, in Irving.
Tiffany

PS I dont answer the phone at work. It just looks nice sitting on the desk, I'm in telecommunications!