Monday, July 12, 2010

Do you have your life list written out?

I think it can be sad at times when I ask someone, what do you want? where do you want to go? who do you want to be? who will you choose? and they are unable to answer. Today I'm removing myself from that category, the one who is unable to answer. The person asking the question is me, and now I want to answer. "Who knows, maybe if I blog it I can come back to it when I forget what I said", I think to myself. Actually that is why I think everyone should blog, or journal in some way. When I was younger I didn't want to because I didn't want there to be tangible evidence lying around that had my dreams, hopes, and wishes in it. I don't feel that way now, I don't mind sharing my thoughts. I'll be selective though. =) I have always had such trouble opening up and sharing. I'm working on it....

What do I want?
Everyone that I care about to be happy and healthy. I get a warm feeling when the stars align at the exact same time and everyone in my life pie is good.

Where do I want to go?
I'm VERY fortunate to have some of my dream destinations fulfilled already. Paris.....Hawaii....I want to see London one day. Italy, Maine (don't laugh, I really do want to go northeast during Fall some time), New York City, Manhattan specifically, Australia.....oh this list could just go on forever. I used to think I wouldn't ever see Europe. Now that I have I know that I can go anywhere I want to. And I love that.

Who do I want to be?
The best version of myself. This is a definite work in progress. I'm not a happy camper when life gives me a pop quiz and I fail. So I keep studying.....I want to be the friend that I want my friends to be for me. The person that can be counted on, not the one that will let you down. The muse that inspires, reminding you how truly fantastic you already are, and can be if you just try. The comfortable place someone can go, where silence is often more comforting than talking. The comedian who will make you laugh when you didn't think you ever would again. When I make my friends/family belly laugh I could live on that for months. 
Recently, I was looking through a picture box I keep under my bed, laughing out loud at some of the pictures I came across, and then feeling sad about people that I've lost, i.e. my grandpa, my grandma, etc. Going down memory lane will take you on an emotional roller coaster. But I enjoy that ride. I looked at a picture of me that was taken about ten years ago, and thought, who was she? Which lead to, who am I? That "then and now" mantra.....I'm still mulling it over. Hence, this post.

Who will I choose?
I've been trying to write this list since I was 17, I'm not kidding. That could be considered extremely sad or lame in a way, along the lines of, good grief don't you know YET? Ah that soul searching just takes time doesn't it? I've always had the misfortune of reversing the question asked, not who will I choose, but, who will choose me. I've changed my line of thinking recently.
I am not the girl that starts her list with "he must have blue eyes", "he must have a shiny new car", "he must have a huge house on the beach". Now if these things exist, don't misunderstand, there's nothing at all wrong with them!
Based on what I've learned so far in this life study, I think I've finally found my list.
My future life partner, wherever he may be, should have, in the very least, these few qualities. A calm manner. The kind of calm people gravitate toward. Unassuming. I love this word. What I mean by this is, he has no idea just how fabulous he is. Or really, he does know, but he does not show it. I've met the cocky guy, the one who believes he is Gods gift, on several occasions. We don't hit it off very well. A good listener, because he truly cares about what I am saying. Not the one who appears to be listening, but really isn't because he's too busy thinking of what he wants to say next. Someone who I have such chemistry with, it's almost like we're in science class, and both getting straight A's on our project titled, "where 'you and I' become 'we'". A genuinely nice person. Compassionate towards the elderly, and children. Someone that I know without a doubt, has my back and also trusts me completely. Someone I trust completely. Someone who pushes me to live up to my potential, using a gentle hand and kind words. A wicked sense of humor, it just has to be there, otherwise he won't understand mine. Someone I let all the way in to my most secret places, because I've become comfortable enough to share everything inside, and then doesnt judge me for anything they find there. Every girl wants to hear she's beautiful, but I also want to hear "you're smart, I value your opinion". A guy said to me once, "just sit there and look pretty honey, I've got this" and he patted my arm. (He's still alive because I don't want to be behind bars, that is the only reason) Laughing out loud again......A lover of words, books, movies, lyrics, and music. An original, unique in all of the ways I've come to love him for, who won't compromise to conform.
And finally, the other half of me who thinks things through with the first word being, "Us", rather than "I".

I want you to know how freeing it is for me to have my list complete. To know with absolute certainty, what I want.

Do you have your life list written out? Where do you want to go? What do you want?

I'll see you soon,

PS I got a new egg poacher pan. Guess what we'll be having for breakfast for a while.....


Jere said...

I love you for your ability to be simplistic, yet extraordinary at the same time. Keep writing, and I'll keep reading.


Tiffany said...

Thank you SO much for your kind words, and for letting me know you stopped by. This made my day!