Tuesday, September 9, 2014

You see, when you forgive someone, you are not granting them a wish.....

A few synonyms of forgiveness are; pardon, absolution, exoneration, remission, dispensation, indulgence, clemency, and mercy.

On the Berkeley website, forgiveness is discussed as the following;

Psychologists generally define forgiveness as a conscious, deliberate decision to release feelings of resentment or vengeance toward a person or group who has harmed you, regardless of whether they actually deserve your forgiveness.

That statement brings up a point of contention regarding forgiving those that have wronged us.

"regardless of whether they actually deserve your forgiveness"

Once, my sister went through something really difficult. I remember talking to her on the phone one day. She said, you know that song, "The Heart of the Matter" by Don Henley? I replied that I did know the song, and loved it. She said, "although a hard one to listen to right now, that's the summarization of how I feel, regarding this unfortunate situation".

"I've been tryin' to get down to the Heart of the Matter
But my will gets weak
And my thoughts seem to scatter
But I think it's about......forgiveness

I'm writing this now, friend, to help you win.

I often jokingly use the hashtag #winning (thank you Charlie Sheen). But today I'm serious about winning. When you are wronged by a person, or people, it can often be excruciatingly difficult to decide to .....forgive them, for what they've done to you. What you see, while in the midst of the pain someone has caused you, is nothing but the act of what they've done. The hurt they've caused. The pain you endure. The seemingly endless agony of how you may suffer at their hand. And how you do not deserve it.And how you feel they should suffer.

But during that process, what may go unnoticed, is the heavy, cumbersome weight that is developing on your shoulders. It begins with a few pounds. With each passing day, it can grow into some serious baggage that is unfathomable to carry. Not to be outdone, the weight develops other things that have a bite. Anger. Bitterness. Betrayal. Each of these items having their own weight, adding to the overall total that you will carry, until you decide to unload all of it, and walk free, carrying only yourself, your heart, your head and your life.

To win, you have to do this unloading. If you don't, they win. You do not.

"But they did this and it was so wrong, and I did nothing to deserve this".

I know.

"You want me to forGIVE them for THIS? Are you kidding me?"

Yes, I do, and no, I'm not kidding you.

"There are people in your life who've come and gone
They let you down and hurt your pride
Better put it all behind you; life goes on
You keep carrin' that anger, it'll eat you inside"

And it will. Eat you inside.

You see, when you forgive someone, you are not granting them a wish. Or giving them a gift.

What you are doing, is releasing yourself from all of that dead weight you are carrying around. You are not pardoning what they've done and releasing them from the ramifications of their actions. Instead, you are allowing yourself to walk away,  free. Nothing extra to carry. No additional, unnecessary burdens.

When you do this, you will feel as though you are walking on air.

And life will feel brand new to you.

So, to get the big win. Forgive them. And then take a deep, cleansing breath, open the door, and walk outside into that fresh air.

You will have perspective you didn't know existed.

Talk to you soon friend,

PS Fall has almost arrived and I'm so excited about this I can taste it. If you live in what I call North Southtown, you already know that you may not feel Fall temperatures until late October, and that's if you're lucky. But Breakfast at Tiffany's can do Fall regardless of what's going on outside. Pumpkin Bran Muffins it is!


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