Wednesday, September 7, 2011

Are we meant to be with just one mate, for eternity?

You know the old saying, "penguins mate for life", right? I've always loved the idea. I've seen this very thing unfold in my own family. My grandparents were married before they were twenty years old and were then married for over 50 years.

Imagine that. A lifetime together. It almost seems unreal to me in this day and age. I don't think I'm jaded, and I'm definitely not against marriage. It just seems so easy these days to bail, when the going gets tough in a marriage, or relationship even.

I've had several people that are in healthy marriages, or committed relationships, tell me that it's a choice. A conscious choice to remain monogamous to their partner/significant other/spouse. I completely understand that, and believe it. It is a choice. I believe it's also hard work. Many people have told me that as well. Although single right now, I've been inside of this hard work before, and it can be tough.
I think fairytales have planted seeds in our little girl brains (I'm speaking for the females here obviously) that provide wonderment, and awe inspiring ideas of what our futures look like with that perfect mate. I know that life doesn't always mimic the fairytale. But, I still believe that it can.

I won't live in a castle per se, or will I?

I spent time in a castle in France two years ago. Someone has to run that place don't they?

My point is, it may not be Cinderella riding in a coach, wearing glass slippers and a sparkly gown, on her way to a ball every evening, held at the castle she will live in one day.

It may be an apartment on the Upper West side in the city, with no yard, with no grass to speak of to walk barefoot through, and no room for a pet. Or, it could be a small house in the country, outside of the small town you grew up in. Maybe a cottage next to the ocean. (I told you I can dream big people)

It could be an apartment in a city that is so jam-packed full of people that you're grateful that suburbs exist. *cough*

I think your fairytale depends on you, and your choices. Daily choices after the big choices. Carefully selecting who you want to spend time with, to allow a relationship to grow. Do you believe in love at first sight?
I don't. I believe in fluttery feelings at first sight. Definitely. But not love. That takes a little time to determine.

I may get flak for this, but I don't know that we are made for just one person for eternity. I'm not against those that feel they are, and they are living that very idea. I'm one hundred percent in support of them. I've just learned so much from a few different relationships that I've had, where I wouldn't change my own story for a thing. Ah well, we all have our own book don't we. Every chapter, every sentence, even the characters, are our own.

I pretty much live my days with full knowledge that this day, and the other day, and tomorrow, brings promise and gifts.
I haven't learned otherwise yet.

See you soon friend,

PS Tea, scones, crumpets, fresh fruit.....for Breakfast. That's what they have in a fairytale don't they? See. We can create our own.


Melissa said...

Aaah the "fairytale". You had me at the castle! I think you're exactly right in my book - we create our own. We eventually learn what "fairytale" means to us, and then hopefully have the gumption to go get it. Well that is another post all in itself... my point is... eternity. Are we meant to be with one person for eternity? Sure, we can be. And I'm all for it. But what I think is most important and you hit it on the head... it's an individual choice, and an individual experience. There is no one answer fits all. I do 100% truly believe people can fall in love more than once, many times even. And that's the best thing. Life brings changes, and growth (if you LIVE your life... sorry, I digress again) and people learn, change, grow with experiences. The heart can open up and love again if Mr. Eternity isn't right before your eyes the first time around. Or second.. :-) At least try, right? So here's to living - Bonjour, Paris! - second chances, taking chances and love at first sight... maybe not instantaneous true deep down unconditional... but definitely the first sweet pitter pat explosion that leads to it! Cheers!

Tiffany said...

ahhhh there she is, the voice of reason! merci ma soeur, I REALLY appreciate the feedback on this one. Here's to living! Carpe Diem! =)

Serenity said...

I love this post. You know how I feel about the one I'm with. It just seems so strange how compellingly, unshakeably drawn to each other we always felt. But this world is BIG and it is full of good, kind people. And there are many good roads to romance and more importantly, to lasting love.

The part I love here is, "my own story". As much as I love the feeling of having another person in my life, I have to realize I'm a whole person alone and that my story is my own. I like the give and take and the compromise of living my story next to someone with a wholly different one. But I have to remember at their core they really are two stories.

Tiffany said...

Well I am now complete. Thank YOU Seren for your insight, I was very afraid I would offend with this one, and of course that would never be my intent. I LOVE your love story, and I have always seen you as an individual, not just MB's wife. And a quite talented one at that =)

Doug Moore said...

GREAT post! The thing I've learned is no matter what your fairytale is, it still takes hard work to keep it together. Chandra and I have a great relationship that started out as a fairytale, and grew into a marriage. It does take hard work, but it is worth it in the end. I do agree that there may not be love at first sight, but I think when you meet someone, there is something inside that tells you this person is special. Infatuation at first sight does happen. Ask me how I know lol.

Tiffany said...

I know how you know =) it's one of my most favorite fairytales evah. I have a feeling some of my ways of thinking aren't conventional. But I'm okay with that. Thank you for stopping by Doug, you rock!