I don't know what cancer feels like

I'm writing, coming from a very long drive back to Dallas from home. A friend that also lives in Dallas, commented to me, "be careful driving back, I won't call it home per se". She is from Missouri too, and I understood what she meant. Missouri is where most of my family is, save a few that are scattered on the west and east coasts. But when I walked through the front door, and turned my Christmas wreath lights on, and the tree(s), and smelled the smells of where I live, I thought, but......this is my home. I fought that idea for the first two years after I moved to Dallas.
I don't think I'm doing that anymore.
My home is where I am. Where I live, work, play. I miss my family, especially around the holidays. But I'm lucky. I get to go home often, and they get to visit me here too. There are men and women serving in the armed forces that won't get to be with their families for the 2010 Holiday Season. That is just one example of why I feel lucky. I've never really been one to do the "woe is me" thing. Things may not be going exactly how I want them to be, at times. But, I constantly do the small reminder check list. I'm healthy, my job is decent, I like where I live, I have a multitude of friends, etc. The list can go on forever, I just check it every once in a while, adding things to it. I think that's why I usually cringe inwardly when I overhear someone complaining about something small, that in the big picture, really isn't the tragedy they make it out to be.

My cousin Serenity has cancer. Again. I haven't heard her complain one time since she found out this terrible news. If anyone has the right to scream, complain, throw themselves to the floor.....it's her.
But she wrote a lovely blog post instead. Telling us, her avid readers, "How It Feels" http://www.serenitybohon.com/2010/11/how-it-feels.html

I loved it. After spending Thanksgiving Day with her, on the drive from one small town to another (the "other" being my early childhood hometown) I was looking at the gorgeous sunset, listening to music, and thinking, Seren wrote what she felt about how "it feels". Then I thought, but it's also not how "it looks" either.  I don't know what cancer feels like. I hope I never have to know. I hate that she does. But I think cancer is ugly. It should dwell in ugly, because I don't like it, not in the slightest. It should be drab with no personality. It should have no talent, no voice, no artistic advantage over the rest of us.

So what is it doing in her?

It's trespassing on her property. Where she lives, works, and plays. Her home. Cancer has NO place in the beautiful face you see above.

I want it to be evicted immediately. Served papers, and then shown off the property.

That is my Christmas wish for 2010, in case you're taking notes Santa.

Would you please keep Serenity in your thoughts tomorrow, and the next day, and all week? (Surgery, immediately followed with intense Chemotherapy) This is one solicitation that I don't mind doing. I'm sure you understand.
Thank you friend,
Tiffany

PS We have to meet somewhere for breakfast tomorrow, this house has not one morsel of food in it. Oh.... except coffee. And tea. These are food groups, yes?

The grid needs one less traveler, if only for a while.....

"She's taking a BREAK, she NEEDS a BREAK!" -Johnny Castle a la Dirty Dancing

I think going off the grid for a bit is needed at times, don't you?

Vacations can bring a fabulous going off the grid feeling. The tide rolling in on the shore, me sitting in the sand and drinking it in. Seeing the lights come on at dusk on the Eiffel Tower. Cruising over ocean waters headed to island destinations....2011 I hear you! And I'll be there.
Family visits in my hometown, an absolute favorite way for me to take a break. I'm very excited for Thanksgiving 2010 and the promises it has been whispering to me for weeks now. My sisters and I in the same room, my happiest of happy places.

I was thinking about when I gave up Facebook for lent this year (told you I could do it) and the social media break that provided. To be honest I did that mostly because I was told I couldn't. My ears don't hear that phrase very well. Combine that with stubborness, and well.....there you have it. *Please note I did not give up twitter, my most favorite social media haven. Those people are just awesome, plain and simple. My Facebook family is awesome too.

But I think the grid needs one less traveler, if only for a while. When I leave for my visit home, I'll be taking my journal with me as usual. With my family I know there will be so many funny stories to write down I will more than likely wear out my pen. I'll definitely be scheduling an interview with my brave cousin who has had the unfortunate luck of cancer trespassing once again in her life. Am I doing this because of cancer? No. I've wanted to do this for a while anyway, she's a fascinating person, and soon to be published author. You hear me New York? Get on it.

I've got some little people I want to interview too. Nieces who light up the room just by being in it. A nephew that speaks to me over the phone using 30 yr old intellect, who is, in reality, only 9 yrs old....

I won't be gone long. But I want to say this to you regarding our upcoming holiday.

I am thankful, for the things I have been given. So I want to wish you, a very Happy Thanksgiven.

See you soon friend,
Tiffany

PS Let's have breakfast at Cafe Brazil soon. To.die.for.

Top Ten Favorites on a Friday

These are a few of my favorite things

1. Loooooong weekends, wherein my Friday was a Thursday, and my Monday won't be a Monday.

2. The promise of seeing my very large family in a week or so. Nothing makes me smile more than knowing this.

3. Impending visits from friends from home. (Missouri)

4. Thunderstorms. I woke up to one this morning, one of my all time favs.

5. Random text messages that make me laugh out loud, to the point of almost spitting coffee. (I didn't, thank God, so my dignity is intact. So far anyway)

6. The thought that in the fall of 2011 I will be cruising through the Cayman Islands.

7. Weddings. Because they celebrate love and new beginnings.

8. Cancer research. We will win this battle one day.

9. Starbucks Red Cups are out. <-----I love this.

10. The Beatles, singing how I feel...."give me love, give me love, give me...peace on earth"



I hope you have an amazing weekend friend. I think the breakfasts are going to be mostly protein around here, I'm on a mission! Join me....

See you soon,
Tiffany

Say Cheese!

My poor little sister thinks she is the forgotten child because, being the last born, there aren't as many baby pictures of her as there are of me, and my middle sister. I've heard parents say that this happens often. With the first child one ends up with two thousand pictures in the first three months. Oh I exaggerate, but you understand what I am saying.
She asked my mom, and my other sister to look through our pictures to see if we have any of her under the age of three. Naturally I immediately thought, well surely Mom has some.
But this made me start digging through my mountains of pictures anyway, as I would do anything for my sister(s).
As I began the trek down memory lane I found myself laughing (hysterically at some points) at some of the pictures I had totally forgotten about.

Now that I've spent a major amount of time sifting through my life in photos, I'm left with these thoughts:

1: Please wait until all eyes are on you before clicking the button on the camera. It makes no sense to have a picture of four people looking so far away from you they can see Europe.

2: Why in the H didn't I leave my hair alone?

3: Who told me I looked fantastic in that outifit? WHO? I hold them responsible.

4: Date your pictures immediately. Include the names of the people in the picture. Or it will haunt you, trying to remember that cute kids name that pulled your pigtails in the third grade.

5: It's not attractive to have your picture taken while you are consuming food.

6: You are judged by the company you keep. It is then sealed forever in a photo if your friends love capturing the moment. Choose wisely people.

7: My family is huge, and we're all crazy. (I'm laughing as I type this because I love them all something fierce, you know I'm kidding fam) ahem *cough* kind of.

8: Don't cross your eyes when someone is taking your picture. Just don't.

9: Don't let your small children get their hands on the camera <----------it was me, and every picture is blurry.

10: Make sure the camera is turned off before you walk away, otherwise you will have many pictures of the floor and walls.

11: Open,your.eyes. when someone is taking a picture of you <------I'm talking to myself here.

12:  For the girls, regarding makeup: less is more.

13: Please don't make the subject of your picture say cheese. Or anything else. Just let them naturally smile. (I'm half kidding here, people usually make me laugh every single time they take my picture. But um, that explains half of these expressions I'm seeing in the photos, just sayin)

14: Snow falling after it's dark really doesn't photograph well. You won't need the twenty shots you just took.

That about sums up part of my morning today. Now go get your photo albums out and take a look.

I see you nodding, you agree with me on some of these don't you?

See you soon friend,
Tiffany

PS I think tomorrow we shall have something banana-y for breakfast. Mmkay? But NO pictures while we are eating.

May He Live In Peace-In Review "Charlie St. Cloud"

I tried pretty hard to stay away from all of the fanfare about the movie based on the book "Charlie St. Cloud" . I was intrigued by what little that I had read about the story, and if you agree with me, we all know that the movie is rarely as good as the book. In fact, at times, the movie just butchers the story, leaving little shreds of what was actually put from pen to page.

I succeeded, I still haven't seen the movie and I'm not sure that I want to. I couldn't put this book down. I kept thinking, there is no way that movie is going to capture what I received from the story. I may be wrong, and who knows, if a friend says, "hey lets watch this", I'll probably cave.

I read this line, "Splotches of phosphorus streaked the sky in a stormy fireworks show" (pg 55) and thought, I love reading books that include phrases like these. It's a simple one, but still.

As I've done with every review I've written, I'm not going to give away the entire content of this story, and definitely not the ending. If I do that, you may not read it. And I want you to read it.

When I got to the meat of the story, it made me think about the afterlife. What really does happen when we die? Is there really an 'in-between' world where we can exist, and then decide when we're ready to cross all of the way over?

Charlie made a promise to his little brother, Sam. "Promise you won't leave me" Sam says to him. I learned quickly that Charlie is the type of person who doesn't break promises. But here's the thing; Sam is no longer amongst the living. Told in an amazing way, the story leads you to understand that there is something unbelievable happening. The two brothers have found a way to spend time with each other, every evening at dusk. In order for this to happen, though, Charlie has to be there at dusk, every day. Otherwise Sam may "disappear" forever.

I totally understood Charlies decision. But then he meets Tess, a captivating woman training for a solo sailing trip around the world. Then, it's as if he slowly begins to realize, "have I really chosen to live?" (come on, you didn't think there wouldn't be a girl did you?)

When I read interesting stories like these, that have no bearing on my life story in any way, I still find a way to make them plausible for me. No, I can't see "ghosts", I don't really believe in them and don't need the universe to change my mind. Would I like to see loved one's that I've lost, to have a conversation and be around them? Well I think the answer is, of course I would. But there will be a time and place for that, at least I think so.

But right now I'm living. Trying to live life out loud anyway.  Not be so afraid of things, relationships, getting hurt, all of that nonsense. It's very easy to not let myself get too close to someone. But, just like Charlie, I, at times, ask myself, "have I really chosen to live?" So what if I get hurt. It's not a perfect world, this I know. But I can make my world as perfect for me as possible, by just being myself.

There was a tug and pull all the way throughout this story, reading about Charlie wrestling with the two worlds.

Find out what he decides, get the book. I recommend it.

See you soon,
Tiffany

PS Tess named her boat "Querencia", a Spanish word that is hard to translate but basically it applies to where one feels safe. Wouldn't it be cool to have breakfast on a boat like that, sailing across ocean waters?