Thursday, July 15, 2010

Apologizing is not easy


Signs.....signs.....everywhere there's signs. I'm not really singing with Tesla right now. But I'm thinking about all of the signs I've been receiving today from...well where DO they come from? Fate? The Universe? The Cosmos? God? I'm not sure, but the ones that kept appearing to me in various form are talking about apology.
When my alarm clock woke me up this morning (oh how I don't like you, little black box on my nightstand that won't let me sleep in) with one of my favorite bands, "One Republic" singing "it's too late to apologize......it's too laaaaaaate" I didn't mind. I love that song. But I don't believe it's ever too late to apologize. As usual, and this is the way my mind works people, I immediately get on that topic inside my head. That's just how I roll. But, I didn't stay there long, as I got ready for work. I sang.....drank some ice water, thought about the ridiculous blazing hot Dallas temps outside, the humidity that was going to un-do what I was doing to my hair the very minute I step outside the front door, and so it goes....
Got in the car, blasted the air conditioning before I melted, put the car in reverse, and turned the radio on as I was backing out of the parking space. The strains of "Oh it seems to me, that sorry seems to be the hardest word" filtered through the speakers, Elton John singing so heartfelt about what? Apology.
Hmmmmm. That again. Back my thoughts go to the subject. But as I sang along, my mobile recording studio has great acoustics ya'll, I started thinking about work. What lies ahead for me today, as I drive toward my all time favorite destination. Do I need to even tell you? Of course it's Starbucks. Remember, this is where I go and they know my order before I get through the front door. I adore these people.
I get out of the car, one of my favorite baristas arrives at the same time, so we walk in together. As the cool air hits me (and it felt good, it's so hot here, have I mentioned this?) I hear Buckcherry singing......"Sorry". I am not kidding you. I love this song. "And I just...wanted to saaaaay..... I'm sorry". I stood there for a minute, letting people go ahead of me in line. I thought, okay I'm hearing a message today. I couldn't believe how close together I was hearing songs with the same theme. It was slightly surreal to me. I snapped out of it long enough to get my lovely venti iced coffee. Get back in the car, sipped the coffee for a minute, and said out loud (yes I said it out loud, this is why people stare) "okay...what's it gonna be" as I turn the radio on.
One of my ALLtime favorite bands, The Fray, is singing "Where did I go wrong, I lost a friend". How to Save a Life is one of my favorite songs by them. I thought well, "sorry" isn't in this song. At least that specific word isn't. But I feel like it leans toward being sorry. Maybe I'm reaching, I muse.
So yeah, this has been on mind all day. The question I pose is this, "do you have anyone you need to say "I'm sorry" to? I think it's important to apologize when you've done something that hurt someone. The receiver may not accept your apology. Every situation is different. But if you apologize, you at least show them they are worth the words. The effort. Apologizing is not easy. I've had a few people tell me stories about how they stumbled and stammered in attempting to apologize to whomever they hurt, therefore making it seem like it wasn't sincere. I reassured them that it may have felt like the person thought that, but if they meant what they said and took the time to try, it would still come across as sincere. I also think it's important to be specific when you apologize. I've heard "sorRY" being used sarcastically. A statement is made, and then an immature response clearly indicating that they are definitely not sincere, I'm not a fan of this. If you are specific, it is clear that you understand what went wrong, and you are attempting to rectify it.
I've also heard people begin a sentence with, "I'm sorry, but"....and they continue with their belief on whatever topic is being discussed. I always think to myself, why do you begin with "I'm sorry". Are you really sorry for the way you believe? I don't want to be that way. I want to wholeheartedly be proud of what I believe.
I sent an email to someone I truly cared about at one time, pouring my heart out to this person to the point of it taking me all day off and on to write and send the darn thing. Even though it has been discussed since, I never received a written reply to that email. I was taught that I wasn't worth the reply. Months later, the discussion led with "I'm sorry I didn't ever reply to your email", and me saying, "I'm actually kind of sorry I sent that to you". The reply? "Don't be, you were stating how you feel". What a huge exhale I had when I heard that. But see the effect? I remember this discussion word for word even now, and it's an old one. The apology came late.....but it still came.

If there is someone you need to apologize to, be brave. Say the words. If there is someone that owes you an apology, and you don't ever receive one, forgive them. If they do apologize to you eventually, be gracious even if you are unable to totally forgive. They're trying. It's all we can do.

Dallas summertime equals so much fresh fruit I don't know what to do with all of it, breakfast it is!
See you friend,
Tiffany

2 comments:

Sara said...

I love all those songs! Weird you were hearing them all in a row...I like these posts of yours that get me to thinking about myself. Everyone finds themself in the position of needing to apologize at some point (we are only human). I admire the person who actually chooses to do so, instead of just ignoring the situation and waiting for it to pass. Its humbling for the giver and the receiver.

Tiffany said...

I like the songs too, some of my favs. And you're right, it is humbling. I'm always left with the thought of, they went out of their way to make me understand that they were truly sorry. On the flipside, I ALWAYS feel so much better when I apologize when I need to. =)