Thursday, July 22, 2010

Digging Deeper

I told you once that I don't really do new years resolutions. I just like to make a new list every December, as the year comes to a close and we're all enjoying the holidays. I went back and read the "The Sun is Setting on 2009" post I wrote towards the end of last year. I think I really love this online journal thing, also called a blog. It's coming in very handy when I want to see where I was at certain times, what I was thinking about, dreaming of, venting about, etc. I don't feel that I've given 2010 my best, or let it live up to it's potential. Slightly disheartening. The good news (because I always look at both sides) is that I've come to this thought before the 7th month of 2010 ends. Guess what. I have over five months left of this year! This means I have to get to work.

Digging is a LOT of work. It's tiring. Especially if the shovel is heavy and it's dark and you can't see very well. But what if you're digging for D*I*A*M*O*N*D*S. I don't know about you, but I would dig until I couldn't dig anymore if it meant that I could find a shiny diamond that I could make into a necklace or ring, maybe a bracelet?

Digging inside of my soul, that's really what I'm doing. I love learning what makes other people tick as they say, but I think I need to do this with myself right now. What makes me tick? I'll have to let you know the entire answer when I figure it all out. I used to say quite often that I didn't care what other people thought of me, and I wasn't meaning that as a negative statement, but more like "be yourself, be original, don't conform", that sort of thing. I think this statement is probably 75 percent true. The truth is, I do care what people think of me to a degree. I don't mean silly stuff like, a friend hates pink so I hate pink. (fyi it's my signature color). But I do mean things like making the right choice when faced with a difficulty, or selecting the proper words when asked a question where the answer may lead to a discussion I don't want to participate in (gossip), to provide two examples. Even in social media status updates I try to be careful about what I say, all the while staying true to myself in my beliefs or what is going on in the world of Tiffany.
I'm not sure that I've developed an admirable skill set to use for when I come across someone  that doesn't care for me for some reason. Good news alert (see I always do that) when I was growing up I had a lot of love in my life. I always felt special, and I have a lot of people to thank for that. My maternal grandma, I really do think I was her favorite.
Dear familia, I know! I can hear you, I'm laughing. My grandma loved all of us equally, I know this. But I FELT like I was her favorite, see how good she was? I bet we all felt that way. After she passed away I was with my mom in her bedroom going through her jewelry box. My mom pulled out a yellow diaper pin (with a duck on it I think) and told me, "look, this was yours". I beamed, and the idea was sealed. I was her fav. =)

My mom. She read to me almost every night, and told me I could "do it" no matter what I was trying, then when I did, she always said, I knew you could. So.important. especially in the formative years. She tells me I write well, I didn't know how important it was for me to hear that from her.

My Dad loves me without question, I know this because he exudes joy when I call him.

My sisters. They make me laugh so hard, these girls. But they think I'm cool, you can't fake that. (right? tell me I'm right, and they're not making this up)

My maternal grandpa. He told me wise things all throughout my childhood and sometimes his "telling me" wasn't with words. He showed me. I felt important when I talked to him, and once again that feeling of, "I am special" sets in.

So I know, that we all have people we will encounter, that may view things differently than we do, and that may not "like" us for whatever reason. I need to learn that it's okay and I'm not going to crumble because of this.
A really funny comedian, Mitch Hedberg, said this once:
"You know you can't please all the people all the time, and last night, all of those people were at my show"

That's what I'm sayin! I really should just do an entire blog on Mitch someday, he makes me laugh out loud every single time. May he rest in peace.

So while I go on this archeological dig of my soul, you may see me doing an inventory of what I'm finding from time to time. Todays find is, it's okay if someone doesn't like me, I'm not changing. And I won't wither away. But growing?

You better believe it.

Friday breakfasts are the best because we're going to Starbucks. Have you tried the Greek Honey Yogurt? *delicious*
I'll see you tomorrow friend,


Serenity said...

Be forewarned, I once said to siblings, "Remember how Mom used to tell each one of us, 'You're my favorite'? And they all said, 'Noooo....' But I specifically remember a time when we filed out of the van and she said it to at least two of us. :)

And I can relate. I soul dig a lot too. My questions lately are, What do I want? Is it okay to want that? And if so, then what am I doing about it?

Tiffany said...

That made me laugh out loud, your Mom is such an awesome person. I bet she made you FEEL like you were her favorite. All of you cool Nickerson kids. =) You know this soul digging is kind of hard, but I'm getting answers, and that, is a good thing.

PS, thanks for reading, I value your opinion