Wednesday, April 7, 2010

Soulmates, Muses, Friends

A best friend and I talk on the phone a lot because we live in different states now. She's the kind of friend where geographical distance means absolutely nothing. Telling her what is happening with me and my world is my comfortable, 'feels like going home' place, where there is nothing but unconditional love. You know the old saying, most people have a lot of acquaintances, but can count their true friends on one hand? Well she counts as two fingers, one wouldn't be enough. I could rob a bank, she would drive the getaway car. Don't worry, we're not planning a Thelma and Louise trip across the country. (Um, unless Brad Pitt is in my script, thennnnnn maybe we will, just sayin) If I call her and say "I'm an idiot" she will reply with "then so am I". She won't tell me I'm not one if I've done something stupid, but she'll join me. My point is, and I'm sure you get it already by now, she is the kind of best friend that I hope everyone has at least one of, in their life. We begin the conversation as though we're already in the middle. I can get a three word text from her that makes me laugh out loud for an hour.

Todays conversation included something we talk about a lot. Muses. What is a muse? One definition reads,
"the power regarded as inspiring a poet, artist, thinker, or the like"
When people question why others come into their lives for a short time, I often say, "maybe you were their muse". You inspired them, to be better people. To become who they dream to be but are afraid to try to achieve that dream. You gave them confidence, made them believe in themselves, boosting their ego enough that they took steps they were afraid to take before they met you. The "short time" part sucks, especially when you become attached to someone. But if I'm right, sometimes your story is just written that way.

Then there is the soulmate conversation. I read something once that I've kept since I saw it the first time, it was a different perspective on what I had always thought a soulmate was.
Elizabeth Gilbert writes: ""People think a soul mate is your perfect fit, and that's what everyone wants. But a true soul mate is a mirror, the person who shows you everything that is holding you back, the person who brings you to your own attention so you can change your life.
A true soul mate is probably the most important person you'll ever meet, because they tear down your walls and smack you awake. But to live with a soul mate forever? Nah. Too painful. Soul mates, they come into your life just to reveal another layer of yourself to you, and then leave....."
Sounds like a muse to me in a way. The muse isn't supposed to fall in love with who he/she is inspiring. They are to just "inspire", and not overstay their welcome. I don't know if I'm in total agreement with Elizabeth Gilbert, but I really like this part "the person who brings you to your own attention so you can change your life."
Which brings me to friends. A true friend won't lie to you. If you ask them if the new haircut is becoming, and it truly isn't, they will tell you the truth. Let's hope that truth has kindness in it =). I know the good friends that I'm blessed to have well enough to know who wants the real truth and who wants the inspiring words that will help them get through whatever tragedy they may have going on at the time. I'm not saying the inspiring words are lies per se, but raw truth needs to be administered in small doses, depending on the receiver.
BEST friends will say, oh honey, it will grow out, don't worry. (lol and yes I am, laughing out loud for real)
I'm lucky, I think I've had a very nice combination of all three, four if you include best friends. Whatever role anyone in my life plays, I'm grateful they are here. I usually learn something about myself, that's what it's all about......
So the thing is, there are going to be times when you feel like there is a big question mark hanging above things that happen, people that come and go, relationships that shift and change and take on new roles......don't question all of these things. Let some of them just, be. And learn.
“It's always been a gift with me, hearing music the way I do. I don't know where it comes from, it's just there and I don't question it.” Miles Davis
The next time you have breakfast at Tiffany's, remind me that I have to tell you about the haunted elevator at work. You think I'm kidding don't you.
Until then, sleep well friend.
PS This post is dedicated to Muffin, thank you for throwing pom poms in the air every time I do something. Oh and sorry about telling the interwebs your childhood nickname that still follows you around. (LOL I can't wait to get the text about this one)


Doug Moore said...

After this definition of soulmate, I'm going to rethink what I consider "C" to be lol. But I understand why Elizabeth Gilbert feels that way. From now on, she is simply the "love of my life" which is a more accurate description anyway. And I'm with you on the part of soulmate that you do like, and she has changed my life in a very big and positive way.
I enjoy reading your blogs, you always provoke deep thought in what you say, and the quotes you use. I'm looking forward to reading about the haunted elevator at work!

Tiffany said...

I know what you mean about her definition of soulmate, it made me see the other side of the coin. (what's up with me and cliches lately) You're a greate friend Doug, thanks so much for your kind words. I can't wait to read YOUR next blog entry. No pressure. =)