Bigger than a quarter she says

There are many people in my life that share my sense of humor. Thank God because otherwise I would be labeled a lunatic. But oh my sisters! I'm already laughing out loud at my thoughts. We speak entire conversations in movie quotes. We speak in half sentences of full truths, without needing to finish the thought on whatever topic has just come up, and these topics appear at random with no warning whatsoever. We begin conversations as though we are already in the middle of them, using words appearing to be shot out of a nerf gun, flying through the air and landing in each others laps, in which, hilarity ensues. Almost always. Getting a random text from either one of them is my favorite thing in the world, because they crack me up, consistently.
So my youngest sister, had to call my Dad today, to kill.a.spider.for.her. I am not kidding you people. I told her that the funny thing is, my middle sister would do the same thing if she didnt live on the East Coast. But she WOULD call someone to kill it for her if she found one. I've never understood this fear. Now don't misunderstand, I do NOT like spiders nor do I want them to move in, set up camp, and raise their children in my home. Because then I would have to name them, form relationships with them, and ask them how their day was when I got home from work. I just don't want the pressure of having to bond with an 8-legged creature. But I digress....
So my sister calls Dad:
S: Dad?
D: yes?
S: are you in town? (he lives just outside of the town they live in)
D: well yeah
S: can you come over AND KILL A SPIDER FOR ME?!!!!! (can you feel the hysterics?)
D: I'll be there in 5 minutes.

See my Dad knows not to mess with the situation, it's better to just get over there immediately and diffuse all emotional trauma.
Apparently when he arrived, my nieces and nephew talked animatedly to him as he walked down the hall "she's been screaming and yelling and very nervous!" etc, following him all the way to the bathroom where he found my sister, standing on the side of the bathtub with one foot propped against the side of the wall, holding a shoe in her hand, where she kept vigil, so she wouldn't "lose" the spider. I believe my Dad took care of him with one fell swoop of his hand, all gone!

I called her after this incident, which by the way, I learned of via facebook. Of course I did, what did we ever do without social media I ask you?

S: TIFFANY HE WAS BIGGER THAN A QUARTER!! Well he was less than a half dollar. But bigger than a quarter! You could see all 8 of his legs, each one rising up at different intervals!!!!
T: I dont understand this level of fear that you and M have of these creatures. Was he really hairy? (I'm thinking this thing has to, in the very LEAST, be a tarantula or something.
S: I dont KNOW, I didn't get close enough to see but I know that if I had, he would be VERY.HAIRY. I was going to spray Lysol on it, I told J that and he said "You cant kill a spider with lysol" so I said "well if I sprayed Lysol on you it would stop YOU in your tracks!"

*J is my brother in law, who is non-plussed most of the time. He kind of just goes along....stays out of everyone's way, stepping in only when he absolutely must comment on something. He's a smart man. I must also note that he was not home at this time of crisis. She told him that she called Dad to assist with the emergency, to which he replied, "are you kidding me?"

This post is dedicated to Melissa and Sara. I love you more than Coffee, more than the sound of the ocean, and even more than Paris. I promise you, I will kill all of the spiders you encounter if I can. Actually is it okay if I just put them outside? Killing is so inhumane.

I better get a homemade egg sandwich for this, for my next breakfast, in each of your homes.
Love,
Tiffany

Breakfast with Tiffany, and her sisters. There really isn't anything better.